I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
