i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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