she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
