Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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