Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
