Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
