just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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