Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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