"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
