I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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