dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
