she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
