all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
