My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
