So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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