Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
