I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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