did you get engaged???
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
