I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I party with great urgency now.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
