The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
