no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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