Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
