3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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