I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
