apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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