This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
