i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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