Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
