Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
