I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
