I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
