the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
