ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
