Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
