This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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