why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
