6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
