i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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