I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
