why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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