i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
