no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
