Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
