drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
