Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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