Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
