SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
