i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
