dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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