so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
