Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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