Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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